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Needless to say, I did not. But I screwed my courage to the sticky place and decided to brave it alone, without a friend along for moral support. I am strong, I am woman, etc etc. So there I was, alone outside a pub in Balham, having broken the habit of a lifetime and arrived early, puffing frantically on a fag and trying to psyche myself up to go inside. In the end, the only thing that got me through the door was the need to prove a totally meaningless point — and the prospect of a large vodka inside.