He can grow a non-patchy-ass beard. Which is obviously superior to a patchy-ass beard. If there's one thing the Magic Mike guys could learn from Austin Powers, it's that nothing says, "I'm a man of sex-having age," quite like a hairy chest. He owns a vacuum and knows how to use it. He got over being jealous ages ago. Every guy comes to the realization that being jealous of your guy friends just makes him look sad and lame.